Double Entendre
by Liebestraum
Summary: Matsuda has long suspected L and Light are more intimate than meets the eye. Now, Matsuda finally has conclusive evidence to back up his theory...or does he? Aizawa and Matsuda are on a mission. Oneshot - L/Light


**Double Entendre**

"So Aizawa…I've been thinking…" The young man trailed off when the burly, older detective literally glared at him.

"Matsuda, you already mentioned this to the Chief earlier—completely tactless, by the way, seeing as it's Ryuuzaki and the Chief's _son_ you're…you're _gossiping_"—Aizawa spat this word out venomously—"about. It is unprofessional speculation at best, and it is completely impossible. Ryuuzaki and Light are _not_"—Aizawa grimaced, turned to check that the security camera was only filming his back, then whispered—"Ryuuzaki and Light are _not_ secret lovers."

Usually, Matsuda would be hurt by how ruthlessly Aizawa had shot down his (_highly_) professional observations, but the young detective had foreseen this happening, and he was prepared.

From deep within his briefcase, Matsuda pulled out a secret stack of…

"Honestly, Matsuda, you made _notecards_?"

"Unlike you, Aizawa, I believe this is very important. It could possibly impact the investigation team's dynamics. It may even affect our funding. Just imagine if—"

"Matsuda! How many times do I have to say this? Interpol won't find out because there's nothing _to _find out. I mean…honestly…" The older man sighed and resigned himself to his fate. "Alright, I'll listen, but make it fast."

The young detective grinned. "That's the spirit!"

He flipped to the first notecard.

"Okay, number one: haven't you noticed how Ryuuzaki and Light-kun dine together frequently, Aizawa?"

"They are _chained _to each other, you—"

"Right, and that leads us to number two: Ryuuzaki only chained himself to Light-kun, not to anyone else. _I_ think—"and here Matsuda's voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper—"the chain is a symbol of how special Ryuuzaki feels Light-kun is."

"Wow, Matsuda, for once I agree," Aizawa began wearily; Matsuda chose to edit out the sarcasm. "Ryuuzaki _does_ think Light is special. After all, he doesn't accuse just anyone of being the most dangerous global mass murderer in history, especially one with a God complex and supernatural powers!"

"Still, Aizawa, you can't deny…Light-kun really doesn't pay much attention to Misa-misa. And…well…you know… personally…it's—"

"Spit it out already."

"—Misa-misa's extremely cute." Matsuda blushed. "Light-kun, though, hasn't had a single real date with her, and he's supposed to be her boyfriend."

Aizawa rubbed his temples. "Have you considered that Light might be too busy solving a certain case that _you_ haven't been focusing on?"

"Then explain why Light-kun plays tennis with Ryuuzaki so often. Don't tell me you didn't notice how Light-kun and Ryuuzaki spent three _hours _on a single chess game this afternoon. And what about the bed? I mean, no one else has seen the inside of their room, but you must have heard Light-kun complaining about there being only _one _king bed?"

"It's probably easier to sleep that way, what with the chain and—"

"Then what about the mysterious lack of surveillance in their room and the hallway their room connects to? Don't say it—I know Ryuuzaki is intensely private—but you have to admit it's odd. Even Watari's security headquarters has hidden cameras in it, yet we have absolutely no footage of Ryuuzaki and Light's bedroom."

Satisfied that Aizawa hadn't tried to counter this point, Matsuda flipped to the last notecard.

"Finally, reason number seven," he whispered. "When I was walking to the restroom last night, just as I passed their door…I could hear their voices speaking, loud and clear. It sounded like they were talking about…or maybe they were actually in the act of…well…"—Matsuda blushed—"…you know. The act of—"

"That's enough." Aizawa stood up quickly. "I don't want to hear any more of this ridiculous…_theorizing_ of yours, if it can even be called that. Come back to me with some solid evidence, and maybe—_maybe_—I'll listen."

Matsuda pouted, trying to convey how hurt he was by Aizawa's abruptness. Aizawa glared. Matsuda pouted some more, and then Aizawa huffily stomped out the security room.

**I**

The next morning, just after Aizawa had finished brewing the first batch of coffee, he turned to see Matsuda's broad, gloating smile. In the blink of an eye, Matsuda dragged him—half-filled coffee mug and all—into the restroom, safely away from L's security cameras.

"Matsuda, what is the meaning of this? There are files waiting in—"

"Aizawa, I have the contraband—I mean, evidence! I have the evidence of their relationship!"

"What? This again? Matsuda, are you sure you took the right pills this morning?"

"No, really, Aizawa, I have the—Ow! I didn't think I'd have to do this, but…"

There was a moment of fierce struggle as Matsuda hand-cuffed an increasingly less exasperated, and an increasingly more livid Aizawa, to the stall door.

"Matsuda, release me this instant! Don't forget that I trained—"

"You can go after you've heard the tape. Just listen to it, and you tell me if this isn't good evidence."

A shiny silver tape recorder was produced from within the folds of Matsuda's coat while the younger detective locked both of them into one, tiny stall.

_Click._ For a minute, all they heard was cold static, and then…

**I**

"…Ryuuzaki, I can't stand this anymore…Oh my _god…_" A tenor voice-unusually gravelly and tremulous—moaned. "…please, Ryuuzaki…just…take it off."

"Really, Light? You're finally admitting that—"

"Yes! I admit it, I forfeit, I…I'll do _anything _if you'll just take it off!…_please_, I can't stand this anymore!"

There were a few seconds filled with strange shuffling sounds, followed by an odd thump—it sounded suspiciously like it was caused by a human body, or maybe _two_. Matsuda smirked; Aizawa shuddered.

"Ohh…owwwww…" More moaning, this time L's deep baritone, which was even deeper than usual. Aizawa could actually _feel_ the blood draining from his face. It was…unusual for Light to moan, but _L_ moaning…in _that_ kind of voice?

"Damn, Light, can't you wait a second? I was getting there! But no, you're way too eager, and you never give me enough time to do anything except eat half my cake, and—"

"Ryuuzaki, I'm warning you! If you had just done what you were supposed to do, then maybe—"

"Light, no matter how desperate you are—and I don't even see why you want me to do this so much…it seems unhealthily obsessive—it's rude to just jump on me and try to take what you want from me by force."

"L! You're the one who's forced me into acting this way. I have no other choice, you've been driving me stark, raving crazy. If not for all those…_dirty _habits of yours…"

Aizawa heard someone—presumably Light—turning on a water faucet.

"I hardly see how _I_ forced _you_ into doing this…you're the one who's been nagging and begging me to do this since—"

"Exactly! I mean, honestly, anyone who spent this much time with you would want you to take. It. Off. NOW, please. I want you naked in the next two minutes."

"Light, I don't think you can handle this, really…"

"Ryuuzaki, cut the chatter and just do it!"

There were a few more moments of frantic shuffling and struggling, before L's shouts broke out over the chaotic noise.

"Ohh, Light! Stop! No!—Light, I'm really not ready for this!"

"What? Ryuuzaki, we've talked about this before! I can't wait another day! If you've got me _hand-cuffed _to you, the least you can do is take care of my basic needs, and this is one of them!"

"You know, Light, these aren't needs, these are desires, and not everyone has the same _desires_ you have, nor does everyone want to satisfy them."

"Well, genius detective, perhaps you should have thought of my possible idiosyncrasies while you were planning this? I promise you any normal human being would want-"

"I have to confess that I'm not omniscient, Light, and I'm rather uncomfortable with our present…situation."

"What? Ryuuzaki, when's the last time you did this?"

"…"

"Wait…I mean…everyone _needs _to at least once every two or three days, right? It's absolutely unhealthy not to."

"…actually, Light, not everyone is as fortunate as you are. I spent much of childhood in an under-funded, over-populated orphanage, so not every one of my 'needs' was fulfilled…then I was with Watari, and he was a little busy to…well, anyways, I think I may have at some point…but in all honesty, I don't remember when."

"Good lord, this is even worse than I thought. L, you have to get in-if only for your health. You're a grown man of-"

"But…but it's so small."

"L, this is bloody spacious. Honestly. You'll fit in here just fine. Anyone would."

"I'm claustrophobic, Light."

"As if I'll buy that! You've spent your whole life in rooms and buildings, and—and…this feels nice…ohhh…it's so warm…I hope you enjoy this."

Even Matsuda blushed at the breathiness in Light's voice.

"Well, you can easily take my place, Light. I'd enjoy it more that way. _You _can take _your _clothes off, and…"

"Shut up, Ryuuzaki. I can't wait forever, and I know you need this more than I do. I mean—Gods, how old are you? You've never…I can't even…_"_

**I**

_Click_.

"Well, Aizawa, that's the end of it." The silver tape recorder disappeared back into Matsuda's trouser pockets. "I decided to give the resident couple a little"—here he waggled his eyebrows suggestively—"a little private time, if you know what I mean."

Aizawa rubbed his temples. "Matsuda, I think you've ruined my mind. I'll have those…_sounds _imprinted in my memory forever..."

"Wait, so does this mean I've convinced you?"

The older detective sighed. "Maybe not convinced, but I'll have to check it out tonight."

**I**

Two pairs of feet tip-toed across the hallway.

"Matsuda, I really wanted to do this alone."

"I want to see, too."

"You _want_ to see…? What?"

"No, that's not what I meant, Aizawa! I mean—"

"Just shut up, Matsuday. I think I hear them…"

**I**

_"No, Ryuuzaki, I won't do it. I refuse to cater to your disgusting tastes or needs or whatever you consider them. It's just…fundamentally…wrong in some way…"_

_"Oh, but Light-ku_n…"

"Is Ryuuzaki _whining_, Aizawa?"

"Keep quiet and let's keep listening."

"…_Please, Light-kun? Just once…I'm hungry for it and I really need it…I'll die without it…"_

"_You have feet and legs, Ryuuzaki. Why don't _you_ come get it?"_

"_I can't walk in this state. My knees are weak because I haven't had enough sugar today…I need that rush, that excitement…I can't even think straight anymore…"_

"_Nope, sorry, Ryuuzaki. I have to read."_

"_How can you be reading now of all times? And is that…one of Misa-Misa's fashion magazines? Light, you're completely ruining my mood…and to think, the atmosphere finally felt right tonight…"_

"_Ryuuzaki, I can't just give into you. We need negotiations. I've noticed our relationship is becoming even more unbalanced than before you chained me to you. I'm always on the short end of our deals, and I never get what I want. You don't come through on your promises."_

"_But Light-kun! I really need this so much. Please! I'm begging you…"_

Even through the door and walls, it was clear L was whimpering. Light's voice remained hard.

"_How many times do I have to tell you not to use '-kun' with me? That makes this sound…intimate."_

"_Wait, you don't consider us intimate, Light-kun? But you're one of my closest friends—"_

"_Friends? We're not friends. You have me chained to you. All. Day. Long."_

Matsuda stared at Aizawa. Aizawa stared at Matsuda. They both stared at the door.

"_Okay, Light-kun, fine. You can have all of my nights for the rest of this week. Is that a good deal for you?"_

"_Maybe. I can't believe you're really this lazy, although I suppose it ultimately benefits me."_

"…_and, I'll chain you to the bed, not me, for a night."_

"_Alright, fine, L! But I get to do whatever I please with your nights, and—"_

**I**

"Okay, Matsuda," Aizawa growled at the younger detective. "I've heard enough of this nonsense!"

"_Hey, Light, do you hear—"_

Before Matsuda could restrain him, Aizawa was pounding on the door.

"Ryuuzaki, Light, open up! How dare you two—do you have any idea what Interpol might—"

The door sprung open, revealing…

"Light…Ryuuzaki…you're both fully dressed," Matsuda stated, dumb-founded.

Light glared at Matsuda. "Is that unusual? Did you come pounding at our door at nearly midnight just to alert us that we were still dressed?"

"Well, no," Aizawa began. "It's just…what were you two doing? It sounded very...inappropriate?"

"Inappropriate?" L had slipped off the bed, where he had been typing on his laptop, to approach the door. "What is so inappropriate about asking Light to bring me cake?"

"Cake?"

"CAKE?"

"But the deal for all your nights…"

"What about what you two were saying yesterday night? I—"

"—that sounded highly risqué—"

"I know what I heard and—"

"_Detectives._"

Both Aizawa and Matsuda immediately stopped speaking. They had never seen L's eyes so dark and furious, almost glinting.

"Contain yourselves. Have you not noticed that Light-kun and I play chess very often? The 'nights' I referred to were 'knights.' As for yesterday, you must have heard Light-kun forcing me—"

Matsuda's eyes lit up.

"—forcing me into the shower. I've never taken a shower before, and I'm rather afraid of water and small spaces."

Matsuda looked down at his feet, face white as a sheet, incredulous.

"Aizawa and Matsuda, I do not wish to know why you have been spying on Light-kun and me. If this happens again, however, you two will be immediately taken off the Kira case and replaced. I demand the utmost privacy in order to work at full efficiency. I will not tolerate any further intrusions."

Aizawa looked down at his feet now, too, face red with shame.

"Good night. And leave. _Now_."

The door slammed, and the corridor resounded with the sound of the impact's vibrations. Aizawa and Matusda stared at the door for a few moments, not willing to admit defeat.

A few more moments passed.

And a few more...

The two detectives slowly, reluctantly, dragged themselves away.

**I**

L lifted his head away from the door, smirking. Light's back was still pressed firmly against the wall by the older detective.

"Now, then, Light-kun," the raven-haired man slid his hands over the younger man's shoulders, trapping his head between his arms.

"That was a close call, Ryuuzaki," Light breathed shallowly.

"Right…unfortunate that we were interrupted. So…where were we?"


End file.
